Wild Wild West Contest
July 13, 1996

Not only do cowboys ride horses and wear 10 gallon hats, but they also cook a mean barbecue. Fortunately on Saturday, July 13, 1996, at the Wild West Skateboard contest, we settled on riding skateboards and wearing stupid wigs. Oh yeah, there was going to be a barbecue too, but that's another story.

Alf Pokes his way to 1st Place

Contest Results 13 & under 1st: Brent Payne 2nd: Soren Fuery 3rd: Nick Yamasoto 18 & older 1st: Alf Kondo 2nd: Tony Guiterrez 3rd: Kale Sandridge 14-17 1st: Sean Payne 2nd: Ryan Lau 3rd: David Lindo Highest Ollie Robby Gaskell Longest Ollie Alf Kondo

The contest was held at the Waianae Skatepark, which happened on this day to be one of the hottest places on Earth. After a comfortable morning overcast, the clouds parted and sun blazed for the rest of the afternoon.

Alika, without his Car

For those who haven't been to the Waianae Skatepark, the place consists of a street course made entirely out of cement: two mellow banked ramps, a steep pyramid with a tiny handrail, a slider bar, a tiny corner bowl, a sidewalk/ledge combination, and a weird ramp to ledge assembly. The best thing about having a contest at a cement park is that nobody complains about whether the masonite is kinked, or whether the obstacles should be placed in different locations, because all the obstacles are solid and permanently placed. The surface of the skatepark is a little rough and, as many found out, will leave your elbows and hands bloody and caked in black dirt.

After making some final ramp repairs for the Paniolo Pipe Showdown, we show up at the contest site around 10:30 am. We figure we were cool VIP guys so we searched for a spot to penetrate the park's perimeter defense system. Waianae park is very security conscious, or at least has devised a foolproof plan to keep Martini's van off the property, so after ten minutes of searching for the entry point, we decide to give up and look for a parking spot. In utter amazement, we see Alika speed by in his red piece of shit car and roll right up on to the grass. Inspired by his gutsy performance, we mimic his entry technique and expose the weak link in the chain fence. In the process, we also interrupt warm-up practice for a local Little League game.

After pulling up to the contest site, we notice a relatively impressive turnout, considering Waianae's rather remote location. I'd say its pretty close to impossible to get skaters up at 7 in the morning to catch the bus from town, however, apparently some did. Although the contest was scheduled to start at 10 o'clock, it didn't start until well after 11 o'clock, obviously due to a phenomena known as "Hawaiian time".

Funny Board Division

One of the unique characteristics of the Wild West contest was its loose format. Along with the regular 13 & under, 14-17, and 18 & over divisions, there were specialty divisions such as the Funny Board Division, the Wahine Division, and the Highest and Longest Ollie Divisions.

Some of the highlights of the day included:

• The Funny Board Division: After the embarrassment of seeing skaters flail around on gravity and long boards, it was generally acknowledged that nobody deserved to win.

• The Highest Ollie contest: The competition was neck and neck until 9 boards were stacked upon each other. Subsequently, that was each contestant's limit and no one was able to clear the waist-high pile. Robby the Robot was the only one to ollie the 9 boards (he wasn't able to roll away), so he won by default. He also ended up taking the hardest slam. (9 boards is pretty big, but if Ergo the ratboy was there, he would have cleared 11 yo).

• Martina's run: Many of the spectators stood in disbelief as one extremely talented skater took the course. Martina, obviously a local at the Waianae skatepark, took the course with a wild and feminine abandon usually only seen at Femme Nu. She started off by doing a kickflip on the spine ramp to a hefty slam, but courageously got up and finished her run with some sick combinations. She completely dominated the wahine division, however, as the results indicate, the judges were more into T & A. A chick more bountifully blessed ended up winning the contest.

• Contest Commentary by Johnee Kop: Johnee doesn't remember any of the trick names, but has a few favorites such as the benihana or manual and nose manual. Too bad some of the kids entering the contest didn't realize he wasn't a judge and proceeded to do around-the-worlds to win his favor (see Johnee Kop Interview).

• The Ron Whaley guy (Sean Payne) from the Soulriders Contest did rad kickflips.

Some of the lowpoints were:

There were no chicks at the contest (actually even less than at the Soulriders Contest): This is obviously a recurrent problem. Unfortunately, we weren't surfing so there was no bikini contest. Actually, there were some girls there, but they all hung out at the judge's tent and drank all the beer. Oh yeah, I forgot about Vince's daughter Hope. She was looking pretty sexy and had that look in her eye. I think Johnee Kop was asking about her.

Baby Hope & Lisa

• The 18 & over division wasn't split up into sponsored and unsponsored divisions: Because the contest was pressed for time, the judges decided to combine them, which was a little unfair. The sponsored guys went home with prizes they didn't really need and the unsponsored guys went home empty-handed. So if you're one of the top unsponsored finishers, or know any of the top unsponsored finishers, send hate mail to us here at 50-50, or come to the Sunburn Classic and identify yourself, so we can hook you up.

• The kids who stole all the promotional banners: Sometime between the beginning of the contest and the product toss, all the banners tied to the chain link fence were miraculously untied and pilfered without a trace. It actually took some unidentified kid to alert Clint that all his banners were stolen. Its not like we care much or anything, but the sponsors of the contest are going to be kind of bummed. A lot of the local Waianae kids were a bunch of little thieves who didn't even skate. Not only did the banners get ripped off, but skateboards were stolen, and the kids beat each other up during the product toss. No big deal, but there is a lesson to be learned from all of this: when you're in Waianae, don't leave your shit sitting around!

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